Friday, March 5, 2010

A few of the reasons on why masculine men cheat on gorgeous women

We keep learning more and more about why men who are in the enviable position of having spectacularly gorgeous women (or in the least, really good-looking women) as wives, fiancees, or girlfriends -- all implying the benefits of conjugality and connubiality (you know, doing it) -- somehow manage to massively undermine their outrageously good fortune by sleeping around. If not sleeping around exactly, doing something lewdly inappropriate that gets them in trouble, and usually (yet surprisingly not always) kicked out of the conjugal bed and the shared domicile by the spectacularly gorgeous wronged woman.

Here's a short list that comes quickly to mind, not in either temporal order or with any evaluation of the worst lapses of judgment:


Tiger Woods (wife, Elin Nordegren)
John Terry (wife, Toni Poole)
Ashley Cole (wife, Cheryl Cole)
Peter Cook (wife, Christie Brinkley)
Hugh Grant (girlfriend, Elizabeth Hurley)
Fisher Stevens (girlfriend, Michelle Pfeiffer)
Kris Benson (wife, Anna Benson)
Steven Seagal (wife, Kelly LeBrock)
Ryan Phillippe (wife, Reese Witherspoon; girlfriend, Abbie Cornish)
Boris Becker (wife, Barbara Feltus)
Jude Law (I think he was on a "break" for his most recent progeny-inducing
fling, but he previously cheated on Sienna Miller)

Now, this list excludes a lot of husbands who cheated on fairly nice looking wives. And I'm sure there are a few more in this ex-tinguished caterogy than I was able to list here. To make this list, the wife or WAG or GF had to truly be an A-lister. So recent famous cheaters like Mel Gibson or Mark Sanford don't qualify. I also don't think that rock/pop stars qualify, because, well, they just get too many opportunities. But I guess I should at least mention Mick
Jagger (Jerry Hall) and Rod Stewart (Rachel Hunter).

So why do they do it? How CAN they do it? Well, there are a lot of reasons that marriages don't work out. But one would think that being blessed with a wife of massive pulchritude would be an incentive not to screw it up by screwing around. And yet they do. So here's my main three reasons that I think they do, with some supporting documentation.

1. They're not smart.
2. They're doing what is evolutionarily and biologically logical.
3. They aren't getting enough.

Point #1: They're not smart.

Well, that point was inspired by this:

Why you'd be stupid to cheat on your wife: Unfaithful men have lower IQs, say scientists

And see, in this particular subset of the cheating genre, it makes sense. Those of us of upper intelligence, normal means, and normal looks would recognize our good fortune, and would cherish and protect our right of congress with women on the level with earthly goddesses with just about any means at our disposal. We would understand that we were very, very lucky, and we wouldn't endanger our chances of continuing to get lucky in such an esteemed and exalted manner. Furthermore, we possess sufficient intelligence to recognize the recklessness of adulterous liaisons, and how it could not only endanger our privileged access to the forms and functionalities of our mates, but also it could endanger our current lifestyle, our endorsement agreements, our public perception, our health, our main means of support,

... and in really severe cases, our actual existence -- whether by means of airborne crockery, misused golf clubs, intentionally aimed gunshots, poisoned chicken soup, or SUVs piloted in anger such as to run cheatin' hubster under the wheels.

Point #2: They're doing what is evolutionarily and biologically logical.

This point was inspired by this article:

Intelligent people have novel preferences

which is to say, summarily, that men having multiple fertilizable partners is the logical evolutionary way to propagate one's male genes through the gene pool, whilst having committed partners is the women's way to insure as well as possible that progeny survive, thus keeping her genes in pool play. So male monagamous behavior is evolutionarily illogical, i.e., it's novel behavior, as the article calls it. We've come up with the idea/ideal of monogamy in human relationships as an ideal; those that actually do it are not being instinctive. As I've noted in earlier articles -- referring to accomplished (older) men with young, attractive (i.e, indicatively fertile) women as their partners and bearers of their offspring as "silverbacks" -- in nature, alpha males get the privilege of distributing their genes reproductively, while the normal males (i.e., guys like me) rarely get a whiff of the female reproductive pheromones -- though females in society and in nature do cheat a little, because it's genetically advantageous not to have ALL one's progeny's chromosomes from the same male. Even if he is protecting you.

So these alpha males -- they're following their instincts when the follow the scent and display of poon, particularly very young, fertile, nubile, curvaceous, avid, poon. And there's significant research that shows females make themselves available, consciously or otherwise, to the advances, penetrations, and emissions of alpha males.

Point #3: They aren't getting enough.

OK, this one was solely inspired by my own lascivious thought processes. But there is a somewhat characteristic pattern to many of the relationships that I listed above: both partners are celebrities (or at least privileged and recognizable members of society). Their abilities, or their looks, or both, made them celebrities. They have commitments. They have a lot of things to do. They are on tour, playing away games, making public appearances, doing location shoots, making business deals, signing contracts, doing guest shots on TV ...

in short, they aren't home a lot. In longer, the dual (dueling) responsibilities of being celebrities may and probably do cause them to have very little domestic down (and getting down) time.

If I was so unbelievably fortunate to be in such a relationship, and I was getting that thing that is a primordial biological act, a passionate, life-affirming, pleasurable, emotionally-bonding, tension-releasing, a common shared experience between wives and husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends, amours and paramours: I'd want more. A lot more. And I'd miss it, I'd miss my RIGHT to have it, if I only got the chance to have it a few times a year. Now, being intelligent, I'd know how lucky I was; but being them -- which is to say, dumb, very masculine, testosterone-laden, young and healthy, accomplished, recognized, lauded, celebrated -- I would want to affirm my role and level in life by making it, as frequently as possible, with my spectacularly gorgeous partner.

And if she's not around, those hormones don't go away. Those instincts don't go away. Those needs don't go away. Those stories from your friends and teammates and business partners who are getting it from WAGs and trophy wives who are home a lot more often don't go away. Those perceptions of superiority and privilege and being special don't go away. There is a sense of entitlement, the spoils of victory, the laurels of a champion. Here's Tiger's own words:

"I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself. I ran straight through the boundaries that a married couple should live by. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them."


There are two other parts of this. There may be a resentment that the gorgeous partner isn't (or doesn't make herself) more available. So cheating is a way of retaliating against that deprivation. And as I noted in an earlier article here, there is also the life-affirming aspect of the human mating act -- them's who aren't getting it have lower self esteem, are depressed, and in many ways are unhappier than those which are getting it regularly, variously, and goodly. Now, while these men are very accomplished, they also have egos, and what better way is there to assuage a male ego that feels diminished than by acquiring a partner who is more than willing to make you feel important, dominant, powerful, strong, masculine, skilled, and accomplished by giving you full right of entry and enjoyment of her total asset package? Particularly when that can, and does occasionally, result in the actual propagation of your esteemed genes into the next generation?

So, to sum up, this is why accomplished men cheat on gorgeous wives:

They're dumb jocks with a lot of money.

Chicks dig the car.

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