I know it's bad, but still...

OK, yes, I know it would be bad to be a man and to lose your penis.  I have one and I'm very fond of it, and it has been very useful and enjoyable to have.  I would definitely miss it if I lost it.

So, medical science is now creating laboratory-grown penises for situations in which a man loses his manhood (physically speaking).   I enjoyed this secondary headline on the Daily Mail article:

Engineered penises now being tested for 'safety, function and durability'

Yes, those are all pretty important factors in a penis.

Here's the article (and no, it does not have pictures of a six-million-dollar penis):

The penises grown in a lab: Scientists say organs could be tested on humans within five years 

Which brings me to the title of this article.  Yes, I know it would be bad to lose one's male member.  To be dis-membered, as it were.  The stories where it has been lost in ways that would be considered having "suffered trauma", as the article's first secondary headline states, due to a jealous or wronged partner in particular, make one moan in sympathetic pain.  And there are other perfectly good reasons that men would like to replace a penis with shortcomings with a perfectly good laboratory-grown phallus.

Still, with Ebola, enterovirus, diabetes, H1N1, dengue fever, MRSA, cancer in its myriad of forms, and simple but deadly cholera still widespread around the globe as scourges of humanity, doesn't it seem a bit trivial to be working so HARD to replace the occasional lost boytoy?  Yes, I realize it's bad.  But there are many other things that cause far more human hardship than the occasional man who has been separated from his pride and joy.  Yet I would not wish that fate on any man.

However, were I to find myself lacking the extraordinarily handsome, effective, impressive, athletic, and dutiful kingly scepter that I am proud to have as my personal endowment, I'd probably want to go down to the stiffy store and get fitted for a replacement as soon as possible.

Which brings up a whole different issue -- if you've got a chance to upgrade, wouldn't it be interesting to go shopping?  After all, the breast implant industry trades largely on female concepts of beauty, youth, and vanity, and many women get bigger and better with the help of cosmetic medical science -- so one can imagine (ouch) where this could potentially be headed --

(whistling)

-- once it's possible to replace lost or missing penises, the next step down this path is to replace those organs which are deemed to be lacking in length or girth or both. I don't think this will catch on widely given what has to be removed to be resized, but given the number of ads for things that DON'T work to make one's tool lengthier, heavier, longer, and stronger, the existence of actual organs that are bigger and better (provided of course that they are safe, functional, and durable) and which could actually be purchased might indeed be tempting to some. 

Which THEN brings up the comedic imagery of a cock shop, and a man going down (!) to the store to get something large or huge or monstrous, and being able to pick from a selection of models including the porn star signature series which includes the Dirk Diggler, the John Holmes, and the Peter North, or celebrity replicas like the Elvis Presley, the Brad Pitt, the Leonardo DiCaprio, the George Clooney (now available in single packs only), the Parker Stevenson (obscure entertainment reference), the Marcus Allen (if you figure out why I included that you're really good), or the John F. Kennedy.

I did not expect to write this much on this subject.  But it got fun.