Excerpts from the Dave Barry end-of-year review

Excerpts with humor and some politically-telling commentary from Dave Barry's latest end-of-year review:

"In Washington, Congress is under mounting pressure to do something about the  pesky federal debt, which continues to mount as a result of the fact that the government continues to spend insanely more money than it actually has. Congress, after carefully weighing its three options — stop spending so
much money; get some more money somehow; or implement some combination of options one and two — decides to go with option four: continue to do  nothing while engaging in relentlessly hyperpartisan gasbaggery. Incredibly, this does not solve the debt problem."

"Standard & Poor’s makes good on its threat to downgrade the U.S. credit rating, noting that the federal government, in making fiscal decisions, is exhibiting “the IQ of a turnip.”

"Meanwhile on the Republican side, Herman Cain surges to the top of the pile with his “9-9-9” plan, which combines the quality of being easy to remember with the quality of being something that nobody thinks will ever actually happen. Seeking to regain momentum, Rick Perry also comes out with a tax
plan, but he can remember only the first two nines. Adding spice to the mix, Mitt Romney unexpectedly exhibits a lifelike facial expression but is quickly subdued by his advisers."

"Meanwhile, in a vindication for the Department of Homeland Security, alert passengers aboard a United Airlines flight foil an apparent terrorist attack when they subdue a man attempting to deep-fry a turkey in economy class. After the plane makes an emergency landing, the man is removed by  federal agents, who confirm that he was carrying not only cranberry sauce, but “enough stuffing to choke a buffalo.”